Self, You Haunt Me

In my dreams

my thoughts 

the quiet

I try to lose you

I can’t let go

you’re there.

I want to rush you

I want to force you

I want to believe I can understand your game

I can’t.

You follow me

every step 

on this journey no journey 

this path no path

insight no insight

paradox no paradox.

Exhausted 

I fight

analyze

pretend

I gain determination.

I wonder

breathe

slow down.

Still there

in the quiet

you follow every thought.

With people

I can lose you

but you don’t lose me

you gain strength

you make me forget you’re there.

Elusive as a fox

clever as a trickster

ludicrous as a jester

you laugh

my pointless efforts

my attempts

to conquer what doesn’t exist.

I can’t fight you

to no end

end! 

Gently

please 

go away. 

There is no forcing love 

you teach me that.

You haunt me 

ruthlessly

you haunt me

steadily

you haunt me

until I disappear.

Writing this

you haunt me.