Into the Quiet Stillness
My dear friend, Natalia Duque-Wilckens, inspires this poem,
She passed away Early Wednesday morning, on November 12, 2025.
In her death, I honor Natalia’s heart-led, courageous life. Though her life was tragically cut short, Natalia embraced every moment, living with a vibrant spirit with unwavering compassion. She was a beautiful spirit who will be missed by everyone she touched. A few years ago, she found another blazing sun, a wonderful partner, Trevor, who embodied joy, love, courage, and laughter. They were a symphony and a duet, bringing out the most lovely notes in each other. Being around them, you couldn’t help but find yourself dancing along with their sonatas, laughing with their fiddling joys, and feeling the complexities and depths through the dialogue of their concertos.
Though she passed away at age 41, she lived a full life and found true love. She questioned and wondered without fear of going deep.
As a professor at North Carolina State University, she was seeking tools to help with emotional regulation to better treat depression and anxiety. She was a sensitive soul who held all of life as sacred. She tread lightly upon the earth with wonder, yet felt great sorrow for the world and its suffering.
In many ways, her research was aimed at alleviating suffering.
Ah tears fall
feeling the sickness of beauty and loss
like the fleeting beauty of fall flowers
Like the momentary beauty of a snowflake
like the beauty of a rainbow
like the beauty of a glorious sunrise
she was here for 41 years, a light and wonder
she found her heart in a beautiful man, Trevor
filled her life with love and gentleness
and in a tragic moment, she is gone.
I shall miss you dearly Natalia.
———
She inspires me to write this…
This next poem is about the heroic journey of waking up.
Though inspired by Natalia’s life,
the woman in this poem is not Natalia.
However, the woman in this poem does share certain elements and parallells with Natalia:
her spirit of curiosity and questioning,
her sensitivity,
her compassion for the world
and her awakening
She leads me to wonder….
Can we live life fully and embrace death when it comes?
This poem is a metaphor of the hero’s journey one takes when one decides to stop and look to discover who one really is.
This meandering poem that the woman in this poem goes through is not about time but about seeing with awareness.
This may be in days, weeks, or years, for each person is different. The possibility of this journey into Wholeness is there for everyone. See how it resonates with you….
“When the mind is kept away from its preoccupations, it becomes quiet. A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly once your mind is quiet.” - Sri Nisagadatta Maharaj
one day
she intuitively knew
she had to forge her own path
something was off
with the world and herself
and she couldn’t keep
going down the
same spiralling sorrowful groove
as she walked
she began to feel
a chiseling weight
hunkered down
upon her tired shoulders
there was a
relentless throb in her head
she was tired of the masks
she had to put on
to be somebody
to compete and find success
she sensed that
masking
was an insurmountable burden
an illusory security blanket
meaningless and imprisoning
yet, how she and most people
fell into this game
was she just noticing this now
had she felt like this for ages
oh how overwhelmed
she was
she found relief
in the movements
of each slow step
she was not sure
where she was going
but she kept walking
into the unknown
not sure where she was
or where she would be
or who she was
yet she had magic
on her side
upon this journey
she never forgot her wand of wonder
her weave of curiosity
and her garland of sensitivity
somehow she knew
that with this magic
she could release
her deep sorrow and
possibly the suffering of others
and maybe
release the weight
upon her shoulders
she wandered
into science
into explorations of the mind
of healing
of teaching
she wandered into
her personal wonderings
of her own path
philosphising
what is death
where is peace and love
where do I find it
is it in the past
In the future
is there time
is the release of suffering
in someone else
in money
in power
is it when I am feeling successful
or if I were somebody special
is it in spirituality
or all these escapes and addictions
she read and contemplated
she dialogued and dug in
what if it actually lives within myself
she dove into religious ideas
is sin real
and is this archaic punishment
for a mythological man and woman
eating a fruit from a tree
in the Garden of Eden, true
or is that myth pointing
a mirror of this culture
to what happens when we come
to believe
in separation
in fragmentation
in right and wrong and good and evil
a mirror of what creates sorrow
she dug deeper
what if the truth is that we are whole
and there lies no division anywhere
what if all of life is
an infinitely interdependent
complex
interwoven grand tibeten mandala mosaic
how would one come
to discover
if this is true or not
is thought real or imaginary
can thought see the immeasurable
or only measure
how do I find out
in contemplation
she kept walking
one day
years later
she found
in quiet space
underneath
a grove of autumn sugar maples
where the air was cool and moist
she took some deep breaths
and listened to the symphony
of cellophane autumn leaves
brittle with the richest colors
sing with the gentle breeze
she saw herself
still stuck
in the wheel of time
stuck in thoughting
stuck in liking and disliking
stuck in clinging and fighting against
stuck in avoiding and imagining
who was she in all this
why was she afraid
how could she release herself from time
is this her enslavement
with no escape
she deeply struggled
trying to weave through her thoughts
yet becoming
more and more
lost
confused
entangled
her thoughts were
a dark mass
of relentless suffering
at some point
she didn’t know when
exhausted
she stopped
she simply stopped fighting
stopped avoiding
stopped clinging
and stopped trying to let go
she accepted
completely accepted
there was no more desire to change
or to get rid of
or enter into a different state
she accepted
all that was left
was listening
a radical acceptance
of what is
she was simply aware
thoughts spread outward
you should
you didn’t
you could have
don’t you want
did you remember to
repeatedly they came at her
she looked at them all
and knew
not me
not me
not me
she just listened
after a while
she had no idea how long
thoughts quieted
like vacuous clouds
they rose and dissipated
there was no I identification
just thoughts
with no meaning
in awareness
there was clarity
the more she
gave thoughts identity
the more power they had
by not giving them anything
they had nowhere to go
but to dissipate like mist
lightened
she rose and
began to walk
she was not sure when
many months later
she found herself
looking at such beauty
a lake of reflection
fall dancing
colors rejoicing
she sat down
and listened
after a while
something shifted
a quiet entered
a quiet that she had not known
here
in this presence
clarity entered
in clarity
fully aware
she knew
that she was done
she couldn’t
keep playing
societies game
her conditioned thoughting game
she became aware
that thoughts
were worries and fears
trying to find solutions
to things that couldn’t be solved
not me
not me
not me
for she knew
in her heart
that they arose
spontaneously
out of her control
she saw through conditioning
that the belief in separation
any beliefs at all
were illusions
she understood
that psychological fear was born
out of the belief in separation
from fear
avoidance, fighting, and clinging arose
an ongoing
reactionary suffering arose
a karmic isolated
transactional time existence arose
a generational narrative
that she hadn’t thought to question
in this awareness
the all-encompassing illusion was seen
all of perceived reality
was an interwoven
impermanence dance
a drama that held no meaning
and had no real substance
in wonder
awareness was like a million suns
and thoughts dissipated in
the immeasurable flooding light
she wasn’t sure
what was going to be next
but she was truly done
she let go
without trying to let go
she walked
for many days
she found herself
in the woods
the wind
whipped through
the sleepy trees
the lake sang
while 4 turtles sunbathed
and she smiled
whole
alive
she
had shed
the suffocating imprisonment
of the personalized self
in awareness
shredding all ignorance
unafraid
she dove into what is
yes, yes, yes
a resounding yes
she listened
to the symphony
sift through the trees and water
and here she
contemplated
all forms
appeared and disappeared
into the vast
immeasurable wholeness
there was nothing to hold onto
there was
no need to grasp
no need to control
she watched
the kaleidoscopic infolding and unfolding
like oceanic waves
flowing as one
she was aware
of what was once
imperceptible to her
and now she felt into
a changeless and immeasurable
wholeness
alone with the quiet
her mind no longer preoccupied
wherever she was
and would be
she was at home
she was whole
her roof
the sky
her floor
the earth
what more
does she need
seeing herself in everything
craving nothing
all faded
ignorance cleared
and love flowed freely
she knew her life was
already transformed
and knew not
nor cared anymore
what it would become
wholeness
was present
and the rebellion began —
a revolution like water
gentle yet unstoppable
without forcing
culture couldn’t touch her
maya had no hold
only freedom
here love flowed
like an endless ocean
she put her costume back on
knew she could take it off anytime
and began to walk again
