I Don’t Actually Know and Psychedelics

07/07/22 April Hayes

I don’t actually know what I’m talking about. I realized this, yet again, last night as I was trying to finish this post. The post is about my curiosities around the future of psychedelics after I attended a summit on the subject. My premise is that we need to explore truth. Truth, as in, the only truth. Awareness. The awake state. I believe this, I don’t know this. I am not awake. Can anything we state about enlightenment be true unless we’re enlightened? I’m a fake. I guess I could have used more sentences like, “I wonder if truth would help…”, but I didn’t. I used many statements. Why did I think that was a good idea? Ego probably. Trickster. And then I got mad. I have no interest writing about something I don’t personally know, and when I realized this, I had to stop. Read it if you are interested in psychedelics. I think it still presents some useful questions.

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Psychedelics Will Not Save Us, Unless…

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Einstein

I recently attended the Psychedelic Society of Vermont Science and Spirituality Summit. It was a two-day event with psychedelic specialists: Leonard Pickard, Charles Raison, Victor Cabral, Joe Moore, Kyle Buller, Natalie Ginsberg, Matthew Johnson, Caroline Dorsen, Marisa Roberts, Franklin King, Ben Sessa and Rick Doblin. They presented their research or projects, ideas and enthusiasm around what’s happening now and what’s instore for the future of psychedelics.

I thank Rick Burnett, one of the founders of the Psychedelic Society of Vermont, for making such an event happen. I loved the opportunity to hear a variety of influential voices in the psychedelic arena. I felt each presenter was entertaining in their delivery and had an abundance of expertise in their topic. And wow, the whole thing ended on Leonard Pickard reading a narrative from his most recent book, The Rose of Paracelsus. He shared the story about what happened when an underground chemist accidentally spilled ten million activated LSD doses on himself (I’ll infer the answer to this later). Some of my curiosities were answered and many more were formed. I felt some excited, and a lot of worry, confusion, hopelessness and sadness throughout most of the event. Why!?

I sat for a few days with this invasive discomfort until I realized my dissonance was with the majority of the questions being asked around psychedelics, not the answers. If we’re just getting wrong answers, well, that seems fixable. If we’re not even asking the right questions?! I’m just not sure psychedelics will help us in any new ways at all.

Q: Is moving forward without acknowledging science's limit a good idea? In other words, is ignoring truth a good idea?

A: No.

Q: Can we get out of our enculturated view of how to help, long enough to see it’s causing more harm than good?

A: Probably not.

Q: How can we get creative and develop studies that capture the wholeness of individuals and not fragmented disorders?

A: Well, that’s for the researchers to answer, but I’m sure it has something to do with thinking for oneself.

The BIG, all-encompassing question:

Q: Could psychedelics help us break free from the dysfunctional cultural dream state we’re in?

A: Not if we keep asking the same questions that got us into this mess.

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First, I’m writing this based off of the assumption our culture is dysfunctional and that we want a better way to live. If you disagree, that’s fine, you just might be disinterested in reading further.

Second, I know I’m advocating for something nearly impossible and seemingly crazy. What happens if the impossible and crazy is the only way out? I’m talking about a different way to be with everything and every decision. Is there a way of living together that easily holds interdependence, interconnection and acceptance of all beings and ecosystems as truths (because they are)? Is there a way of living together that understands, viscerally, wholeness, beauty and gratitude (more truth)? I know this sounds out there but hear me out.

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We must explore truth.

We need to explore truth until our brains explode with so much confusion, we think we can’t go on. But we do. We keep wondering. We keep noticing. A little further. A little more, until… we’re there. We can see clearly. I’m not talking about insights and spiritual awakenings, although those are cool and I think they are part of getting to truth. I’m talking about really waking up.

At the summit, there seemed to be a lot of language around if someone or something was more scientific or spiritual, aka “woowoo”. I found it fascinating that there was a lot of dissecting psychedelics in this duality, “Are we using it for science or spiritual experiences?”, and that we classify the spiritual part as non-scientific.

Often what our culture thinks of as spiritual does in fact seem unscientific.

We have two choices: 1) We stop talking about the enculturated version of spirituality all together because it’s pointless, or 2) we come up with a definition for True Spirituality. Don don dooonnnnn….

True spirituality = Exploring truth

Everything or anything someone may call spiritual is woo-woo, besides sincerely exploring truth.

You cannot measure truth. Some super sad news for all the scientists out there; thoughts and research can never get you to truth. We can’t get to through reason. We can’t touch it. We can’t science it up. We have to get beyond thoughts to play in the realm of truth. Truth is science's goal (at least I thought? hehe) AND truth is beyond thought, unfortunately. If we are to be true scientists, we have to sincerely seek truth, not dance around it or directly avoid it.

Lao Tzu inevitably can say it better than me:

The name that can be named

is not the eternal Name.

How can psychedelics help?

What I see these medicines doing is a direct link and possible fast track to truth. Psychedelics allow our enculturated thinking to slow. In that slowness, beautiful doors can open up into rooms your enculturated self couldn’t even imagine. From there, you can get curious in many directions, and all directions are wise, as long as they are encompassed in truth exploring. There can be wonderful learning here! In that slowness awareness can be found. In time, one can stop trying to remember what they learned from their psychedelic discoveries and embody them. They explored the room and got a little closer to truth. In other words, they are one step closer to breaking free from the cultural dream state.

To reiterate my point: We aren't seeing a "different reality" when using psychedelic medicines, as some presenters implied, we are seeing a clearer reality. A true reality. I'm not sure how Leonard Pickard's share at the end was understood by most (his book- The Rose of Paracelsus), but what I'm pretty sure he's getting at is that psychedelics help us more quickly get back to reality and truth (very similar to Ram Dass giving his guru psychedelics- no altered state, he was already there).

What would a truth-exploring world actually look like?

Truth-explorers are inevitably curious around their actions and egos. They don’t give in easily when enculturated noise screams at them, and when they do give in, they pause, wonder, act accordingly, smile and move on. If they feel guilty, they wonder about that. When they don’t feel guilty, they wonder about that too. When they hurt someone, they don’t avoid the conflict by finding a distraction, they get quiet, they pause, they notice… “Why did I do that? What am I feeling? Who am I? What am I doing all this for? What game am I playing?”… What’s behind my consciousness? What is me?!” If we could use psychedelics as an aid to shift this ego game from “I know” to “I wonder”, then, if we’re lucky, maybe we have a shot.

Typically, the helpers in this culture want to help with individualized problems. They want to separate them out and focus intensely on one thing at a time. And those in need buy into this short-sided approach as well. For example-

“Oh, your stomach hurts?

Let’s do a blood test. Stop eating ______.”

One week later, one problem is solved.

Instead of,

“Oh, your stomach hurts? What type of foods are you eating? How was the soil it was grown in? What other things are you doing when you eat? Are you anxious a lot? Why? Who do you hang out with, and do they cause you stress? What’s your worldview? What beliefs do you hold? And most importantly, how tightly is your ego holding on to you?

Let’s check all those beliefs and ego-produced behaviors, slow down your lifestyle, wonder more about the cultural influences around you, and get you in a solid community to help you through this. Essentially, I’m going to try to help you wake up from this dysfunctional dream you’re in.”

Two years later, all problems are solved.

Yes, we'd need real guides (not fake shamans, egotistical spiritual gurus or therapists trained in approaches rooted in this culture) and a slower approach; it wouldn’t be easy, and it would take time. I wonder though, if we keep treating disorders in a fragmented way, where does the wholeness of the person come in? What good does it do if we don't see, hear, care for the whole of a person? When I tell someone, “You are depressed. You have anxiety.”, aren’t I telling them you are broken and I see you in parts? When I try to heal someone by “fixing” a part of them, what does that say about their being? We get messaging "you're not enough" and “you’re broken” from the day we're born. I wonder if psychedelics can help people know that's a lie. And I wonder how they will ever know that's a lie if we keep modeling for them like it's true.

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If we are to seek outwardly for answers through drugs or medicines (in this case, psilocybin, MDMA and Ketamine), without top tier guidance around ego’s role in our cultural creations, we are perpetuating the same cycle of dysfunction that we see now.

Yes, it seems impossible, but only because we believe (yes, check all beliefs!) it is. It’s not just stomach aches, but most problems can fit into this model (you know, probably not a broken leg). Depression, PTSD, relationship issues, cancer.

To be sincere, Leonard's story and Franklin's questions were needed for me to have hope for good to come from all this psychedelic noise. If we move forward in the same way we move in the past, nothing changes.

I get we want this stuff legalized and it will deeply help some people. But I'm not so sure (quite positive really) any lasting change can happen if we continue to dance around truth (beyond thought truth).

Pretty sure this all is a longwinded way for me to say... I think we need more dialogue and we need to slow down. I know this is a fairly impossible request for the scientific community, but hey! Gotta say it.

Referencing Leonard’s book seems to be a solid way to sum up this post and Love University’s mission:

“How can you have seen what you described except not for the overdose?

“I saw the world as it truly is. God, if you will, the ultimate consciousness, would not be so cruel as to make such glory dependent on a substance. The greatest gift is the natural mind, that which cannot be created or destroyed by any drug, that which we have always.”