Dialogue About Dialogue!!… (and how I screw it up every time)
June 29th
BEFORE THE DIALOGUE FORUM…
Beginners mind, zen mind baby.
19th week of Love University dialogue. Crazy!
What better time to pause, and hit the refresh button, by dialoguing about..... DIALOGUE!!
What is dialogue anyways?
How is it different than debate?
What do people learn through dialogue?
What do people like about it, not like about it?
GROUP QUESTIONS AFTER THE DIALOGUE FORUM…
Dialoguing about dialogue was super insightful.
In a dialogue we need to work on seeing each other with good intentions.
How to best set boundaries. If you find yourself talking with someone and discover that they are not seeing you, it is okay to say, "this isn't working for me. I don't feel seen right now. Maybe we can talk about this later."
What are some key phrases/language we can use to move towards dialogue with someone?
When we communicate are we just trying to reach consensus or actually enter discussion with wonder, curiosity?
When speaking to others if we can remember- "we are all magical", this may help cure our "judgy" minds.
What helps us breath, not judge?
Music, harmony, body work, sound healing- how are these practices similar to dialogue? How can they support each other?
OMGOODNESS! IT WAS SO GOOD!
MY PERSONAL QUESTIONS and THOUGHTS AFTER DIALOGUE FORUM (April here, not Garin)…
How do I engage with people in a group forum without showing agreement or disagreement? Or can I? This is super hard for me and confusing. Like a lot of people, when I communicate I tend to nod, smile, shake my head, etc. By doing these things I feel I’m inviting the talker to feel comfortable, welcomed, and overall, just trying to ease some of the hardship of sharing in a group. But if I’m nodding in agreement to one person, but not to another, how does that make that person feel? I don’t think sitting there with a complete flat affect is the answer, so how do I show engagement without favoritism? I think part of the answer is to summarize what the person is saying, and perhaps add my own story next, which has to do with their story. But what happens if I don’t get to talk next. Then they never know I loved what they said and I think it holds a lot of value? Maybe they don’t get to know. Maybe this isn’t the time for bonding in this way? Anyhow, I’m processing this. Neeeexxxxtt…
I totally think I can cut people off because I’m funny. This was a hard realization. When I cut someone off from talking, to me it seems obvious this is because I think what I have to say is more important than what they are saying…I think my words hold more value than theirs. Ouch. That sucks. And I realized that humor plays a big role in this. If I can make people laugh then I think I have the right to not only cut someone off, but also put someone down (by the jokes, stabs), oh so innocent…but are they?). Of course, I don’t do this in a super obvious way, just a subtle way that I have gotten away with it for 38 yrs. So I’m done with that. At least I put it in my ACTION folder I look at daily, and I’m going to try to remember- “you’re not that special. how about this April, you make other people feel special by listening to them instead of shutting them down”. Deal? Deal.
I preach. I should know better than most (since I’m promoting dialogue and facilitating these fourms) that this isn’t a time for preaching. I notice when the conversation goes to something I think (assumption) everyone would agree with, I tend to stop the “I wonder” “maybe” or “what do you think” statements and go straight for the kill. This isn’t useful. As I’m learning, I may think many things are true and in fact many people think the opposite of what I think is true, is false. This is blown up in my face almost every week. So when am I going to learn? Soon I hope! Also, I’m reminded how powerful my communication programming is. I am so programmed to communicate in a certain way that even in this very specific type of communication, dialogue, that we review every week, I fall into my old habits again.
HERE’S TO BREAKING MY PROGRAMMING PEOPLE! CHEERS!
April
