Emails to a Client
I have clients who benefit from email reminders every week or so. These emails often touch on things we’ve discussed, but sometimes they’re just random curiosities around living in wholeness. Please read slowly, ponder, and see if any of the messages stick out to you. Enjoy! April
——————-
Embrace your stupidity!…
Looking back on situations we either put ourselves in or happened to be in, sucks. Looking back at our lives and the bad decisions we've made can make us feel ashamed and embarrassed that we were so stupid ('stupid' is my lazy way of describing any past action that we don't like). And this is awesome! Because if we can observe our stupidity, then that means we are in a new place of non-stupidity, right? But then, sometimes, we fall back into that stupidity, or we fear we will.. "If I was like that then, who's to say I won't be like that again? Am I really different now?" ...yes! you are different now. and yes! You probably will fall into some old habits again. But if you keep breathing through the yucky emotions as they come up, they will come up less and less. Don't avoid them. Then one day those old stupid ways of being aren't even a part of you anymore… that leads to the question…who are you anyway?!
Wonders about money…
Can money become a side note? A side detail in your life? Like brushing your teeth or doing the dishes?
It’s still part of the reality equation but there’s no stress about it because you know it won’t solve happiness in the end and you trust money comes and goes like everything else. Could a trust develop the longer you sits with “what really matters?”
If you continue to wonder about what really makes you happy, will it land on money? Money can help with comfort, but we really don't need a lot to be comfortable. It's just another addiction, and an addiction our culture promotes heavily!! We can always come up with reasons we need more.. more stability, college, 'what if.." . so where's the line? What's enough? If you keep remembering you're just going to die and everyone you know is just going to die, what do you need? And where's the balance?
Tricky part is only you can answer that for yourself, (like everything we talk about, of course!), and to answer that for oneself means finding out what is true vs false in every belief and thought around money, and all things that have to do with it. And if you are up for that challenge, you'll start to naturally desire different things.. or lack a desire for certain things or ways of being. There doesn't have to be any discipline. Well, the only discipline is in catching the thoughts or beliefs as they come up and not getting discouraged when you forget.
What do you think? Make sense? Have fun!
A thought…
What do you want to do?
What would it mean to not have the voice in your head tell you what to do next, but instead have your being tell you? Can we function without that voice? Is there a chance we would function better? Is it at all possible!?
the Now…
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the now the primary focus of your life.” – Eckhart Tolle
I'm about to start his book, The Power of Now, I heard he's right on with his language around The Now. Play around with time and space... are these real? who says? How? Or are they measurements? Where is time without space? Space without time? Could there be freedom in how we use time and space? Or, if we really understood Now is all we have, how would we live differently? What does the Now and time and space have to do with happiness and health?
A very important thought for your day…
Two ways of saying the same thing:
“You can’t want to change. That will only modify. The only way for change to happen is to see what’s really going on and to not run away. If I try to get rid of anxiety without understanding why I get anxious, then I will continue my anxiety. I have to stop moving away from, and listen. It is the awareness without trying to escape that leads to seeing what is false and what is true. Instead of running from anxiety, go into it. Be present with it. Feel it. Be one with it. Embrace it without personalizing it.”
Garin
“If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.”
J Krishnamurti
------------------
This is the hardest thing and is true for everything. Anytime we desire, get serious, have expectation, try to control- it doesn't have long term effects, and we're in the yinyang cycle- it will come back or there will always be unease or avoidance of the thing.
Like, if I want to stop drinking, or lose weight, or stop judging people, only awareness will have long term success. It's mindfulness instead of the quick fix. If I'm dieting, I still live with dissonance/conflict in the mind. We can't be truly present and content with dissonance/conflict. Getting to the bottom of all dissonance/conflict is "the goal" (goal not goal), and once at the bottom there is no more suffering. Let thoughts arise, wonder, let them go. After awhile, the conflict disappears!
Something fun to try or wonder about…
Could this be true: The things we don't want to do can be transformed into things we actually want to do, when we dive deep into what is and accept it.
If I can accept what's going on and have no excuses about it (so that means dropping blame, guilt, 'why me?!', 'why now?!', or judgment on how I got here), then my whole outlook on the task at hand can be lighter, even pleasant.. because I'm doing what has to be done to ease my circumstances and future- whether it's fair or not. Separate out the feelings around fairness.
In other words, if you get rid of all the dissonance around a thing, there will be less hardship in doing the thing. This way, you'll hardly ever do anything you don't want to do! Make sense? Try it! It takes giving space (mental space and/or real time-space) to really get to the bottom of the things we do and discover if we want to do them. If you find dissonance, why? Get to the bottom of it. Have fun!
Thoughts on equanimity and why there’s joy in it…
equanimity is a means to an end, but to be in it, you have to forget about the end (happiness, joy, peace..). That's why one's thinking mind can't really figure it out.
Buddhism has a lot of good things to say but it's still a religion/a belief or set of beliefs. If people really want to be alive (happiness, joy, peace..), they have to forget about Buddhism at some point.
When one is acting in an equanimous way, they can see what is, and be okay with that. It doesn't mean they won't desire coffee or sex, it just means they can let it go if they have to. They don't worry, manipulate, get all crazy if they can't have something. They realize they are one part of this big mysterious puzzle, and if it's not in the cards in that moment, it's not in the cards in that moment.
Think of how simple life would be if you lived in this way? Soon, you'd want less. You'd be more okay. You'd have less noise in your head. When stress arose, you'd look at it, wonder if it's needed, what's true in it, then take care of it or let it go. When music is on, you'd hear it more clearly and your body may want to feel it. When you see the clouds you'd pause and wonder how the heck something so cool could exist, and how you got so lucky to see them. Gratitude would rise naturally.
But equanimity shouldn't be a goal. It's just something that will happen if you continue to wonder about what is true and not true.
Try to hold these quotes together, like, see them as one understanding…
Jed McKenna's quote can make enlightenment seem not fun, but take it in with Alan Watt's quotes and the last David Bohm quote. You may be confused because everyone is until they get to a certain understanding/living of it. I think the trick is to play around with whatever quote/teaching feels right to you, find the truth in it. Have fun!
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” -Alan Watts
It's no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
-Jiddu Krishnamurti
“We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society.”
― Alan Watts
“Before enlightenment I believed my ego was me, then enlightenment comes along and no more ego, only the underlying reality. Now it’s after enlightenment and this ego might be slightly uncomfortable or ill-fitting at times, but it’s all I’ve got. The idea that your ego is destroyed in the process of becoming enlightened is roughly correct, but it’s not complete. Before enlightenment, you’re a human being in the world, just like everyone you see. During enlightenment you realize the human being you thought you were is just a character in a play, and that the world you thought you were in is just a stage, so you go through a process of radical deconstruction of your character to see what’s left when it’s gone. The result isn’t enlightened-self or true-self, it’s no-self. When it’s all over it’s time to be a human being in the world again, and that means slipping back into costume and getting back on stage.”
- Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing
In the long run, it is far more dangerous to adhere to illusion than to face what the actual fact is.
- David Bohm
Homework:…
Look at the sky, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders every time you go outside.
If you can do this, the universe will take care of the rest. ;)
an overdue wonder for you…
"Wherever you go, there you are."
Sometimes things are moving fast outside of our bodies, but that doesn't mean we can't slow down what's happening inside our bodies. What makes up the mind? What is actually 'a mind'?
Even though we can't have control of external stimuli sometimes, we always have a say in what we think about and how busy our minds are. We just have to retrain our thinking patterns, and we do that by bringing awareness to our thinking. If we start to bring awareness to our thought patterns, we will eventually notice more space between thoughts-- that space brings more clarity, presence and ease to each moment. Then, it doesn't matter what the world throws you, you can breathe it in and use it. AND, then naturally, you'll want to slow down your external environment as well to also aid the blissful feeling of more space (you could use the word silence here too).
Cool right? Does that make sense? Just something to wonder about!
Keep building awareness…
I'm breathing.
I'm using my brain to have this thought.
Start with being physically alive and go from there. If you're breathing, your family is breathing, have gratitude for that breath. Then have gratitude for your next breath. From gratitude, you can be more present and aware of what comes up.
Aim for full awareness around whatever comes your way. Notice, perhaps be passive, and then that builds more awareness and presence. When you can be with what comes up, the more you know how to take the next correct step.
Also, keep feeling everything that comes your way!
Conflict…
get to the bottom of it. it's a little secret for most that if one is patient enough with any problem, it can be resolved within (you can't control how that guy acts, but internally peace can always be found). Truth is at the bottom of all dissonance. Internal dissonance, if any, eliminate it. Keep doing it. Then eventually, simplicity comes and life is joyful and easy. It can't be found in thought or the analytical mind. And don't avoid. Look right at it. Strike through the mask (Moby Dick ;))! Only love, wonder and lightness can lead to truth.
What a journey you're on. Don't give up! You're doing it!
A new game…
It's called... Catch the Pattern Game!
Whenever you do an action, or even have a thought, that you recognize as a habitual thought or pattern, you get 1 point.
That's it! Have fun!
Emotions…
The only way we can know what we can do (how to best help) and what is wasting our time is to be present with the situation right in front of us, without emotion. If emotion comes up, we should be present with that and see what it's telling us. If we can digest every emotion as it comes up, then we can use the information and things get less cloudy and overwhelming. If no emotions are coming up then we can wonder about that too. Why not? Or, are they coming up but being acted on without acknowledgement?
What do you think? Maybe? Have a good day!
Yin yang with father…
Hi! Thought for you:
You learned what not to do from your father... but is that why you're a good parent? Or are you a good parent because you see 'love' your way? Are you following your 'love radar' to the best of your knowledge or are you reacting from your father's actions? Or a combo?
If a child is told they are nothing and a loser by their parent so they grow up to be super successful in spite of their parent... it's just a yin-yang. It's fine, this is how the world turns. It's the dance between darkness and lightness. But there is something in between that, that isn't a reaction. Find it! It's a fun new game for you!
Dissonance…
What would happen if you eliminated all dissonance in your thoughts and actions? Is it possible?
Or, another way to put it...
What happens if there was no voice in your head? What happens if you found out that voice is just another thought? And not real? Who would you be? Where would you be? What would you do?
ANOTHER WAY...
complete flow. what does that look like? Is it attainable? What does it feel like and why would we want it?
You are doing it…
When you feel confused- you are doing it.
When we don't know the answer it means we're living in wonder, curiosity, and we're open. This is a good place to be. You'll probably cycle from feeling confident and like you know things, to feeling lost and like you don't know shit. This is doing 'the work'. It's beautiful. Most people don't want to do the work, instead they just talk about what they know. You are shifting away from a person who "knows everything" to a person who will actually know things. Way to go!
If you have time... Alan Watts talks about TRUE knowledge/wisdom... https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-19-improbable-and-magical-a-tribute-to-g-k-chesterton/id1569521748?i=1000591285093. (also on spotify)
Remember…
You are not your past. When we live in our past we are not present, truly alive nor are we aware. When we don't pause and wonder about why we're doing what we do, our actions are robotic and based on old programs. We are child-adults. At any moment you can take a turn or just do something crazy that you would have never done before. Who do you want to be? What do you want to act like? Be determined, don't give up, let your thoughts wander about it. You might just actually turn into that person....and maybe you already are!!!
Can you pause and see what’s true?…
“It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.”
— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
“It is all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever.”
— Jack Kerouac
Our culture talks about having a "good" perspective v "bad" perspective. How about no perspective but what is true? Not true for this person or that person, but just true. Even a positive outlook can get us in trouble because it's not true. The positivity is keeping one from seeing what's clear. We're taught that truth is subjective. Wrong. Be quiet with yourself, what is true for the situation? Another way to say this is- Stop personalizing, then what do you see? Move from there.
Have fun with it!
Some thoughts on truth vs not-truth…
All we have to do is get rid of what isn't true. This takes some quiet, wonder, and listening. Ego actions are not true. Self as a separate entity from everything else is not true. What remains when we keep going with this? What happens when we slow and breathe and remember the fact that this will all be over in a beat? This gift of life is super short. What do you want to do with it?! Happy Saturday!
“It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.”
— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
“It is all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don’t know it because of our thinking minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever.”
— Jack Kerouac
“You will know love when the mind is very still and free from its search for gratification and escapes.”
— Jiddu Krishnamurti
How’s your week going?…
I'm really into the Tao Te Ching lately, here's a good one for you:
-------------------
Success is as dangerous as failure.
Hope is as hollow as fear.
What does it mean that success is as dangerous as failure?
Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
your position is shaky.
When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
you will always keep your balance.
What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?
There is nowhere to go…
Garin wrote this and I happened to read it after I sent you that email. It hits on what I'm trying to say. It's kind of long but I don't know, maybe it will resonate with you.
https://garin12.medium.com/i-have-nowhere-to-go-f521edc52b42
Is what is…
It's usually inaccurate when people say that because it's often used as an excuse or dismissal or lightening of a situation. But it's true.
Good day? Bad day? No such thing. Good and bad are just measurements just like up and down. Light or dark. High and low can't exist without each other. Neither can be good and bad. Because... everything just IS. Exactly how it's supposed to be.
Something to wonder about. ;)
To bring it back to day to day reality-
If you find yourself feeling like you did something "bad" , wonder about why you think that. Did you react? Did you hurt someone's feelings? Did you fail at a goal? And if you still land on "it's bad". Do the next right action to align it with rightness.
Don’t give up!…
Keep going!
Further!
Where?
Into "who is this being?"
Keep wondering without judgment.
Have fun! Be playful. You will die. Enjoy now for real.
What does 'enjoy' mean?
What is real long-term joy?
How do we get to real joy?
Keep wondering.
5 min a day? you got this!…
Any other moments of battling your thoughts in real time? If you feel a little crazy, that's part of it! Your ego's (or programs) saying "no, don't change, you're comfortable! Life is good! Don't think about that differently." and the other part of your being is like, "Are you sure? It doesn't really make sense how I've been acting. Something feels off..." and it will go on until the dissonance is gone. The reason it feels hard is because your flexing a new muscle (a Truth Muscle we could say), and your old self doesn't want to work out yet.
but it doesn't always have to be hard. Taking deep breaths helps.
Awareness of habits…
There are layers upon layers of awareness. It seems we hit on some in our last convo. You seem to be doing a great job finding them. Keep looking! and don't look with obligation but with lightness and curiosity. When we look with expectation to solve or there's firmness or judgment to it, that's ego. It's impossible to find truth when the ego is involved.
An ex... When Suzy is talking or let's say interrupts you, how can you decipher your role in that if your ego is feeling, "wow, again?!. I thought we went over this. We just talked about this and she's already doing it."
That automatically puts Truth at a disadvantage because your ego is siding with you. Ego wants to side with you.
If you take the "ego" or "I" or "You" out of it, would that feeling or judgment arise? Or would the curiosity come .."Hmmm... interesting. We just talked about how she wasn't going to do that. I wonder what came up for her that she did it. Did she forget? Did her protective mothering instincts come in? Why? What's happening here? That made me feel like crap. Hmmm... I wonder why we keep falling into this. Interesting. I wonder what I can do to help this."
Does that make sense? It can flow more easily when you remove... YOU! hahaha. You hit on it last week, it's all about awareness. Take that drink. Just be aware as you do. Good luck you got this!
you are an adult-child- hope you're ready for this...
Yes! Time to get real :)
Don't worry most people are adult-children (like, everyone almost). When we hold on to and act out our pasts, we are acting from a place of reaction, and this leads to the same ol' crappy actions. Most adults are in adult bodies making decisions the same way they would when they were thirteen. Beneath all the articulate language and adult-like mannerisms, most are just adult-children. A fun game you could play this week would be to observe yourself and your friends. Are the ways in which you think and act really much different than a child? What are some ways you did act like an adult?
I'm not saying it will be easy (I know sometimes I may come off that way) to become a real adult, but it's totally possible. You are totally capable. You just need to be disgusted by yourself a little more. OR, engulfed by living, really living!, a little more. What's that feeling when you go on trips with your girls? What's that feeling when you pause on a friend’s happiness and giving-ness? What does it feel like when you look at the clouds or feel the air on your skin? OR, what does it feel like when you're overthinking your next cigarette? Or judgments come up or out? What does it feel like when your staff gets defensive and you're not sure if it's you or them?
What are you feeling?? Get disgusted or alive. Either way will help you be an adult, if you want to. If you don't, that's okay too. Our culture is very supportive of adult-children. And I don't want you to believe me, just look and see what you see.
Too harsh?? ;)
Don’t forget…
Your life can be way better. You are the only one getting in your way. :)
Ponderings…
-If you replaced mind-consuming annoying habits with things you love to do, wouldn't that be awesome?
- we get to cause our own drama most of the time. What drama do you want in your head? in your life?
- why do you want to "just do enough" "just be enough" ?
- who are you living for?
- dissonance turns into disturbance, and disturbance turns into suffering or change. When is your disturbance going to get big enough?
- slow down. it helps. in your head and everywhere. less drama is nice.
Though patterns…
We are addicted to our thought patterns. They control us if we don't observe them. Also, our culture promotes many dramatic thought patterns.
Check them out and let me know what you find! ;) and have fun with it! (fun, what's fun?! what's being alive!?)
Just one more thought…
Just as we got off I realized we can go a step further down the rabbit hole. and that is.. why do you need to feel above your employees? or that you need to prove something? or that you are important? why do you need to feel powerful? Why don't you already?
Simply, I think you adopted the maladaptive behavior (responding in demeaning ways) from your father. And I think you adopted the need to feel powerful (or powerless) from our culture (and probably a lot of overlap in there). But what can you do about that? How can you dissect that to make your being function differently?
Also, you are no different or worse than any of us. We are all part of this shit cultural belief that we should be above other. BUT YOU recognize it!! Way to go!
—————————————————————————
That’s the end of this current email thread. I hope you took something meaningful away. Cheers!
